Reversing the Effects of Fear of Rejection
If you struggle with fear of rejection, you will always manipulate. You will try to control people and circumstances. Show me an agressive, controlling person, and I’ll show you there’s a root of fear somewhere in their life. They may not even know it.
I once knew a successful businessman, who was very articulate, had a great job, great marriage, and great kids. He had been a successful football player. He had started into that career, then an injury prevented him from continuing. He told me that when he was with the Dallas Cowboys they told him he was the most aggressive player they ever had. In football, that’s good! He went on to say that all his aggression was fear-motivated. He said just that week God had been dealing with him about fear in his life. You would have never known this man was controlled by fear.
Sometimes fear of rejection causes a shyness, but sometimes it results in aggression. I experienced both. Initially, my fear of rejection made me very introverted and shy. Later, I gained a little popularity in school and I became very extroverted, hiding my fear behind the extroversion. For a while, I thought I had overcome my fear of rejection, but the Lord showed me, while I was in Bible college, that it wasn’t the case. It was deep inside of me. I couldn’t see it until God began to reveal it to me.
So, I’ll say it again, “Show me a person who is really aggressive…” They might be very successful in business or their career. But, a lot of that success might be born out of something that is driving them to succeed. They might be driven to perform in a way that makes them okay with who they are. A successful person can often justify the aggressive actions they take to get there. A lot of “excellence” is motivated by fear. Criticism can’t be accepted. Fear causes us to need to be in control and strong. A person who has overcome this has a gentle spirit, even if they are still really good at what they do.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7; ESV)
Give Him 15 minutes in prayer:
- You can’t just decide to change your personality, whether you are super shy or if you are aggressive and controlling. Even very introverted people can be controlling and manipulative. You have to let God deal with the fear at the root. Pray about that now.
- Are you peaceful and quiet in your demeanor? Do you feel like you need to make something happen, or are you able to pray and wait for God to work things out His way? We absolutely should act when God says, “Go,” but who is really driving the activity?
- Read Philipians 4:6-7 above and let the Holy Spirit minister to your heart.
- Intercede for pastors, ministry leaders, business leaders, and government leaders the Holy Spirit may have brought to mind as you prayed for your own situation.
A prayer you can pray:
Father, You have told me through Your Word that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. You made me the exact way that I am for Your Divine purposes. I can’t do a thing about the fact that I am quiet or outgoing, tall or short, gifted with gab or better conversationally one-on-one. All of these things and so much more are Divine. I accept those things. Somehow, though, the enemy tries to pervert who each of us were created to be by using fear against our minds. That alteration often causes us to be nothing like You want us to be. Rather that patient and kind, I may be impatient and hurtful. I can see some of my weaknesses, but not all of them. I also want to be sure that the things I consider my strengths are the things You designed to be my strengths. If there is any crooked place in me, straighten it out, Lord. I will participate with You in that. Help me to rest in You in the quietness and confidence of Your love for me. I have nothing to prove.
I also intercede for [pray here for those the Holy Spirit has laid on your heart.] I intercede, as well, for President Trump. Lord, let Him encounter the overwhelming and life-changing power of the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, lead, guide, and direct him. Check his words and tweets, so they are truthful, but not hurtful. God, You are powerfully using this President. Minister to the deep-seated fears in His life, and let him know the depths of Your love for him, so he can govern with righteousness and justice until You release him from his task. Thank You, in Jesus’ name. Amen.
A peaceful and gentle spirit comes from being confident in Christ’s love for us.